i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
