Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
