My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
