In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
