I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
