i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
