i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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