the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
