Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
