If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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