Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
