his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
then he tried to convert me to islam
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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