having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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