Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
