I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
