I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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