honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
