you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
