The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
