Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
