We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you never un-have a 4some
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
