fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
