she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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