you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
