giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
