dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
