It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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