you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
