Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
