i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
