You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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