So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
pray to the hookup gods
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
