I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
