it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
