How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
