Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
