Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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