i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
