I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
