You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
