Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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