On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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