I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
