i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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