Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
