I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
