I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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