you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
