So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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