??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
