i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
