where am i from again
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
